Struggles
I’ve been sick. I’m starting to feel better now, but will probably allow myself one more rest day before I get back to my regularly scheduled workouts. So the last time I ran, a week ago now, I was thinking…
About how I’m a horrible runner (also pretty bad at biking and swimming as well) and how maybe I just want to quit the whole fit/healthy/triathlon thing and call it good enough. It’s easy to think those kinds of things when you’re struggling through something.
But I’m so stubborn that I would never quit. In fact, stubbornness is what got me started doing tri’s to begin with. I got the feeling that someone thought I couldn’t do it, so I did it to prove to them that I could do it. Only I have no idea what they really thought, nor did I even speak to them by the time I got done doing what I thought they thought I couldn’t do.
I’m a pain in my own ass. I can only imagine how everyone around me must feel.
So, I’m too stubborn to quit. What’s more unfortunate than feeling like I should quit, is that with my school schedule, I cannot participate in the triathlon I really wanted to do this year. Mostly because it was my first last year, it’s close to home and I wanted to own it this year since it nearly killed me last year. So I’m a girl without an event right now. I’m training for nothing, and that is not the most motivating thing. I’m also having quite a bit of trouble finding another tri that is local and works with my schedule. Honestly, I don’t know if I will find an event that I can do this year, but I’m training as if I will be doing one.
I know I’m not the only person who struggles through every moment of a workout. I’m not the only one who would rather watch reruns of Sex and the City than run, bike or swim. I’m not the only one who HATES the treadmill or worse yet, the stationary bike.
I’m not the only one who thinks she runs too slow, can’t bike far enough, struggles with hills, gasps for breath, and works her ass off with no evidence of it when she steps on the scale the next day.
I am a runner, I’ve participated in 4 5k runs. I am a triathlete, I’ve participated in 2 sprint triathlons. I swim, bike, run.
But. I often feel like a fraud. Sure, I’ve done those things, but I’ve never finished a 5k under 36 minutes. I run a 12 minute mile on my very best day, in fact, the 5k portion of my first triathlon took me 49 minutes to complete. That, my friends, calculates out to a 15 minute mile. I nearly drowned in my first triathlon. I only learned to swim a year ago. I rely on nose clips in order to swim because my completely un-athletic brain just cannot grasp the concept of not inhaling water through my nose. I’ve failed to successfully climb a sizable hill on my bike, I always have to stop to take a break. I have knee problems, foot problems, breathing issues.
That runner’s high that people swear exists? I’ve yet to experience. I hobble away from each run serenaded by the grinding of my knee, not feeling better than when I started.
But I keep on keepin’ on. Because it’s what I’ve always done. I always just keep going, even when I really just want to quit.
I just thought I’d share. To let you know that I struggle, a lot, every single time I try. But I keep going, because I should, and you should too. Because if you keep going, you’ll get there. You’ll accomplish something. And while I’ve never experienced that runner’s high, I have experienced extreme pride in myself for doing something I thought I could never do. And it’s a pretty cool feeling.
Girl, read this blog post – when I read it, I thought: YES, EXACTLY!!! AMEN AMEN AMEN. It really gave me the perspetive I needed as I sit steeped in reading blogs about running etc. As much as I love running, for me, racing does nothing for me but add stress. And for you, there is absolutely nothing wrong with ‘hanging it up’ in terms of training for something like a tri or whatever it may be…do it for YOU or don’t bother doing it at all. When I realized that and released myself from the stress I was putting on myself to get back to liking racing, I started to suddenly love running again. And it all started clicking like it’s never clicked before. Even a runner high
Just food for thought, friend. Email me if you want to chat 
Clearly I have a lot to say on this topic! http://baldguyrunning.blogspot.com/2012/01/no-races-in-2012.html
I think racing does add some stress, but it’s also a motivator. If I’m not training for something, I’m afraid I’ll slack off and not do my workouts, or I’ll just run and neglect biking and swimming because biking indoors is so boring and swimming in the winter is so unappealing. But, I may be forced to not participate in a race this year just because I’m having trouble finding one that will work, grad school makes scheduling difficult.
I totally agree that I could do without the pressure that comes from training for a specific event. I do like the events though, aside from having to get up at the crack of dawn to participate in them.
Quote a running friend of mine, “The miracle isn’t that I finished. The miracle is that I had the courage to start.” – John Bingham
That’s very true. In this case I think the miracle will be that I didn’t quit, even when it seems like my body is telling me that I just can’t be a runner.
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